Between Us Girls

Lowered Expectations - The Key to Happiness?

    I admit it...I'm a naturally pessimistic person.  I work hard every day trying to develop and maintain a more optimistic outlook and to focus on what is right and good with my life instead of what's wrong with it, but, truth be told, my natural inclination is to hold a slightly negative view.  Oh I've had some success in these efforts...I'm a bit more content overall and I can go for hours or sometimes days without falling into  my old crotchety ways, but it is an effort.  Happiness can be elusive for those of us who were born to whine.  (If this sounds like you, read my prior post "The Pursuit of Happiness" for some suggestions)

    When people point out my tendency toward the glass-half-empty perspective, as people seem compelled to do, I counter that I'm not being negative, I'm being "realistic."  That's what my Dad always said when I was criticizing his tendency toward pessimism.  What can I say...I am my father's daughter and, honestly, I think that response has some merit.  Pessimists are known to be more realistic, albeit less happy, people.  I've also been known to say "Hey, if I expect that everything will go perfectly, I'm likely to be disappointed whereas, if I expect everything to go wrong, and then it doesn't, I'll be pleasantly surprised!"  Makes total (Read more...)

The Trouble With Sex in America

                                                                                                  

Sex is alive and well in America.  You never have far to look far to find it.  Our society is saturated with it.  Movies, magazines, billboards, t.v. shows, advertising, even Disney pop stars reek of it.  And yet, in spite of the proliferation of sexual imagery and activity, America still attempts to maintain antiquated, puritanical sexual ideals.

     Unfortunately, as so often happens, our behavior doesn't quite manage to live up to the ideals we espouse.  And so, while our children's innocence is stolen from them earlier and earlier, our teens make promises that they can never be expected to keep while being fed a steady diet of sexual imagery and innuendo and our adults gorge themselves on every variation of the act they can imagine, we all busy ourselves trying to maintain the facade of purity.

    We talk the talk, but don't walk the walk.  We send mixed messages to our young people, perpetuate the idea of sex as some sort of guilty pleasure and let our own confused and twisted ideas about sex influence important government policies that end up being misguided, unethical and downright harmful.  (Read more...)

Domestic Violence Rages On

     One of my guiding principles in life is that, oftentimes, no news is good news.  But I don't mean that in the usual way.  What I mean is that, if you really want to be happy, don't watch the news. 

     Don't misunderstand me...I like to be informed.  I don't want to be completely ignorant of what is happening in the world around me.  But there is so much going on that is so unpleasant and that I have no control over, that sometimes, not watching the news is the best option.  In fact, therapists will often recommend this to patients who are anxiety-ridden or depressed.  Being bombarded with messages of doom and gloom over which you have no control is enough to drive anyone to the brink of suicide.

     Occasionally though, I forget.  The other day, I tore myself away from the computer, made myself some lunch and sat down in front of the t.v. to enjoy it.  It was exactly 12 noon, so of course the noon news was just beginning.  By nine minutes past the hour I had heard about a fire that gutted someone's home, an accident involving two trucks, a robbery or two, a home invasion, another fire, and two stories about two separate men in two separate places in our viewing area beating women with baseball bats. Not one positive story to give me any hope that life was still worth  (Read more...)

More On Mid-Life

    For those of you who are interested in the topic of mid-life crises, I have a little more advice to send your way.  I have written a guest post that provides some futher guidance on navigating the challenges of mid-life for a wonderful blog called "DumbLittleMan."  This post offers some simple do and don't guidelines for anyone who is floundering and fumbling their way through a mid-life crisis. 

"Sooner or later we all go through it.  We begin to lose parents, our friends or spouses start to come down with "old people" illnesses, our children grow up and (if we're lucky) begin to leave home.  We look around at the landscape of our lives and realize it has become unrecognizable.  What we once centered our lives around has changed, anchors that moored us have detached and, as the anxiety begins to mount, we find ourselves looking for something to hold on to. But what?"  (Read more...)

     Don't let the name fool you, the publisher of this blog is anything but dumb.  He's a smart cookie who posts a wealth of useful information that is certainly worth checking out.  Do yourself, and me, a favor and visit DumbLittleMan to check out my post and others.