Between Us Girls

Coming Together for Change

     We are in the midst of perhaps the most exciting presidential race in American history; one based on hope, change and new possibilities. But a dream without a plan is nothing more than a wish. 

      Thoughtful planning, skill, strength and diplomacy are essential if we are to see our dreams made real. At this very moment we are standing at the threshold, ready to step into a bold new future....a time when we can actually envision changing our “what if” daydreams into “when” realities. It is truly a time of golden opportunity.

     Our country has always been a land of opportunity, and one that has encouraged the participation of the (Read more...)

Journey into the Brain - A New Take on Nirvana?

Eastern spirituality seems to be the West's largest and perhaps most important import these days.  It seems that our hard-driven, overly-ambitious ways have caught up with us and we suspect there must be a better way. 

     We have turned, in large numbers, to the techniques and practices of ancient Eastern religions in record numbers - Buddhist temples now dot the American landscape and yoga classes and meditation centers have found their way to even the most backward of regions.  We are all desperately seeking nirvana.

     But what is it that we really expect to find and how are we going to find it?  Is nirvana out there somewhere or is it within?  Do we even know what we're looking for and will we recognize it when we find it?

    So many of us are looking outward to find the things or activities that will make us happy.  What I am beginning to realize through my own experience however, is that until I am able to find some inner peace, (Read more...)

The Art of Listening

      It's true that having ears is a prerequisite for hearing, but simply having the appropriate equipment is not enough.  Ears allow us to hear, but listening is something far greater than that; it is what happens when we choose to sit up and take notice.

     Another way to put it is that hearing is a passive process.  We might hear the train off in the distance while we also hear the sizzle in our saute pan and our child telling us about the most recent episode of their favorite cartoon.  We may hear all of this but at the same time not really be aware of most of it. 

     The sounds that we are truly aware of are those to which we choose to listen.  Listening is an active process.  We make a conscious choice to attend to the sounds, (Read more...)

Communication Skills: How to Speak and be Heard

      Did you hear me?  I'm talking to you...are you listening?  How many times do I have to repeat myself?  I already told you.  Don't ask me a question if you're not going to listen to the answer.  I need you to...

     Honestly I get tired of hearing myself sometimes, but one thing that I know for sure is that everyone else stopped listening a long time ago.  At least that's how it seems.

      I have sometimes wondered aloud if my voice is in the same register as a dog whistle.  Maybe dogs everywhere are scurrying to clean their rooms, turn the t.v. off and organize the office.

     It isn't just children and spouses who can tune us out though.  Whether at work, at home, or out with friends, at times we all feel that we just aren't being heard.  But wait...before you go for the megaphone...there are other ways that we can make ourselves (Read more...)

Doctor as Detective? - Why Patients May Need to Get a Clue

     I have always viewed doctors as medical detectives.  Patients bring them clues in the form of symptoms and the doctors examine these clues, combine them with what they know, research what they don't know and come up with a diagnosis.  Aha!  Mystery solved.

    Well, we all have our misconceptions, don't we?  Turns out that doctors are more like factory workers.  They take a quick look, use whatever information they already possess, and deftly sort patients into various, common, diagnostic baskets.  If the patient doesn't fit easily into a standard basket, they get tossed aside into the reject bin to be dealt with later  (Read more...)

Ending Violence Against Women

     Perhaps you know a woman who has been the victim of violence...perhaps you are that woman.  If so, you are no stranger to this topic.  Or maybe, you don't think that any of the women you know has been a victim of violence, sexual or otherwise and that this is all a lot of hype.  Well, think again.

     Violence against women and girls continues unabated in every continent, country and culture. It takes a devastating toll on women’s lives, on their families, and on society as a whole. Most societies prohibit such violence — yet the reality is that too often, it is covered up or tacitly condoned.                                                                                                          — UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon, 8 March 2007

     Here are the facts as published by the United Nations Development Fund for Women (UNIFEM):

• At least 1 out of 3 women in the world has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused in her lifetime.
• For women aged 15-44, violence is a major cause of disability or death.  (Read more...)

Psychiatric Disorders in Children - Is Medication the Best Answer?

     Emotional and behavioral issues in children are nothing new.  Kids have problems too and we shouldn't be surprised that they are sometimes overwhelmed and need help.  But over the last decade, psychiatric diagnoses in children have increased at an alarming rate. 

     Children are being diagnosed at earlier and earlier ages with more serious psychiatric disorders than ever before.  Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) diagnoses have led to an unprecedented number of children being medicated, some of them as early as preschool.  But children are also being labeled with more serious diagnoses such as Bipolar Disorder (not usually seen in young children) and being medicated with drugs never tested for use with children.

     What is going on here?  What's behind this increase in psychiatric diagnoses in youth?  (Read more...)

Yes Virginia - There is a Perimenopause

      Although the men in your life may look at you cross-eyed and some doctors will try to convince you that it's all in your head, perimenopause is real.  True, some women will sail through those premenopausal years with nary a worry, but they generally keep their mouths shut about it...if they know what's good for them.

     The rest of us look none-too-kindly on their beautiful complexions, their restful nights and their cool, dry skin.  We really don't care to hear about their happy little worlds as we drag our bloated, tired bodies through our days, and alternately sweat and pee our way through our nights.  No, it's not pretty, but it is a reality for many of us.

     I recently spoke with a woman (age 51) who has had a terrible time sleeping for several years.  For her the issue is hot flashes (also called night sweats).  She might be freezing one moment only to wake up with the sweat dripping off of her the next. 

     Jesse (not her real name) lives in a foggy sleep-deprived land and yet her husband is convinced that it is all in her head.  The sleep problems and the sweating...she's just imagining it all.  He sleeps right next to her...he can feel the heat radiating off of (Read more...)

Someone To Look Up To: Role Models For Girls

       For girls, it isn't easy finding good role models these days.  The most public figures (think Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Miley Cyrus) aren't exactly the kind of people that most parents hope their daughters will want to emulate.  Too much glitz, too little substance.

     Most of us want our daughters to grow up to be confident, happy and productive individuals - women who know who they are and who stand for something more than designer hand-bags and the right to party 'til they drop (or get arrested). 

     It seems that we parents have our work cut out for us.  If we want our daughters to have great role models, we have to go out in search of them and also to become role models ourselves.  Who can we look to for inspiration?

     There have been many women in history who are worthy of our admiration; Sojourner Truth, Harriet Tubman, Mother Teresa, Susan B. Anthony and more recently, Benazir Bhutto. 

     But if we are looking in the present, it gets more difficult.  A few names do come to mind, Hillary Clinton being one of them.  Regardless of your political persuasion, you've got to admit that she is nothing if not a strong, confident  (Read more....)

The Meaning of Spirituality

       Like many people, I have wrestled with religion and spirituality throughout my life.  For a long time, I rejected religion.  The dogma of organized churches had never set well with me so I chose to distance myself from it.  I considered myself a spiritual person, just not a religious one.

     Then I had children.  I thought that perhaps belonging to a church would be a good thing for the kids.  So we tried.  At first it seemed to be working out, but then I found myself bristling at the ideas that I was a sinner who needed to beg for forgiveness, that I needed to believe the unbelievable in order to be saved, that I had to live a lie - hiding my true beliefs for the sake of fitting in. 

     The straw that really broke the camels back was when my six-year-old son began to rebel.  I found myself forcing him to go along with ideas that I couldn't even buy into.  I knew then, it was time to go.

     But what now?  I still longed for a sense of community...of like-minded, hopeful, positive, loving people (Read more....)

Do You Really Need a Hysterectomy?

Hysterectomy is a very common, relatively safe procedure as surgeries go.  According to the National Center for Health Statistics, 547,000 hysterectomies are performed in the U.S. alone each year and 31 % of women between the ages of 45 and 49 will have one. (For more detail see gynfo.com)  Is all of this surgery really necessary or is there a better way?

    Hysterectomies are performed for a variety of reasons including cervical or uterine cancers, fibroids, endometriosis and pelvic inflammatory disease.  The surgery involves removal of the entire uterus.  With the uterus gone, so are the symptoms that led to the surgery in the first place (pain, excessive bleeding etc.)

     No one argues that hysterectomies aren't effective and sometimes necessary, but no matter how common they may have become, no surgery is without risk...or pain...or a significant amount of recovery time.  For some women, a total hysterectomy is the only answer, but experts are beginning to think that (Read more...)

How to Deal With Difficult People: The "Fault-Finder"

                                                                      Out of all of the difficult people that we encounter, the "Fault-Finder" can be one of the most frustrating.  This is the chronic complainer, the blamer, the negative thinker who can shoot down any idea or option with a single bullet.

     I am well-acquainted with the "Fault-Finder" because I have been accused of being one myself (an accusation with which I beg to differ, of course).  True, like the "Fault-Finder" I have a tendency to see why something can't happen or won't work more readily than to see why it might...but for a born-pessimist like myself it takes significant effort to change thought patterns like these.  I'm finding it to be worth the effort though.  Why?  Well, I'm becoming a happier person, not to mention a far less annoying one.  (For more on pessimism, optimism and happiness read The Pursuit of Happiness)

     So, now we know that a pessimistic attitude may be behind fault-finding behavior.  But what might this behavior look like?  How do we recognize him among our friends, family or even within ourselves?   (Read more....)