Between Us Girls

Bee-ing a Good Citizen

      The idea of being a good citizen means different things to different people, but I think that, at it's core, good citizenship refers to doing not what is easiest or best for oneself, but focusing more on what will contribute most to the common good.  Some will explain it as being helpful to one's neighbors, others may describe it as loyalty to one's country.  What creates variations in our definitions of good citizenship is our individual perspectives of what larger context we are considering ourselves a part, and, what obligations we feel toward that larger context.

     My beliefs lead me to view the entire planet as the larger context of which I am but a small part.  I believe that we are all - the plants, the animals, all of humanity - part of an interdependent web of existence.  We are all part of one large ecosystem and our obligation is to ensure the well-being and continuity of that entire system and all of its members.  While I know that some may not share these beliefs or simply may not care enough to have given it any thought, I am happy to see that, little by little

Doing Less and Getting More Done - Taoist Secrets

     Those of you who have been reading my blog for a while know that I like to read and that my reading tends to lean toward the psychological, ecological and the spiritual.  When I find reading materials that address all three, I'm truly happy.

     For those of you who share my interests, you might want to check out my latest read "Ecotherapy" by Howard Clinebell.  It's an interesting book on the theory of ecopsychology and suggestions for the practical application of that theory in the therapeutic or educational setting.  You can find a link to that book and many others in the same vein in my Amazon Bookstore.

     Now getting back to the topic at-hand, like so many people these days, I struggle to stay calm, focus on the positive and find (and maintain) some sense of happiness and contentment.  In our stress-filled world, this is no easy feat but find that reading and thinking about things like ecopsychology and various forms of spirituality helps to sustain me and keep me on track.  As much as my approach to spirituality may be non-theistic and non-traditional, it is perhaps a more important part of my life than I sometimes realize and I believe this is true for most of us.

     Whether or not we consider ourselves religious or non-religious, I think that we are all in some respects spiritual.  As I discussed in a prior post, The Meaning of Spirituality, spirituality is about feeling that we are each one part of a larger whole.  The whole may be defined differently for each of us - Christianity, Islam, the human race, all living things, the universe etc.  Or, for many of us, the whole may be indefinable.  As human beings, it seems to be in our nature to wonder about our place in the universe and our role or purpose.  We need to have meaning in our lives and this is what I am talking about when I talk about spirituality.

     As I read, I seem to find that Eastern Philosophies have the most to offer when it comes to practical spitituality.  In Taoism in particular, I have found a great deal of practical wisdom, some of which I have already shared with you in my post  Come On Get Happy.

     I've also written a guest post for the PositivityBlog about Taoist Secrets to Doing Less and Getting More Done.  Those of you who like my prior post on Taoism or who simply like practical spirituality might find my guest post helpful as well.  Check it out and let me know what you think.  And, if you have any spiritual reading suggestions, please share them.

    

Focus and Life Goals

      Like my middle-aged vision, I find that my life lacks focus.  It's nothing new.  I've been this way my whole life.  I flit from idea to idea, from project to project, from career to career in much the same way I once went from boyfriend to boyfriend.  It's the way I operate.

     The only problem with this approach to life is that it's hard to get anywhere in life.  Great achievements are not made by people who are jacks-of-all-trades and masters-of-none.  We may be interesting people with colorful backgrounds, but we

Death and Ritual

     I  have never liked the rituals that accompany death...the "viewings" especially.  They always struck me as creepy and morbid.  The deceased never looked quite like themselves and I couldn't imagine why people would want to remember their loved ones that way.  Even worse, there are those (including my own mother)who want photos of the person in the coffin.  Yikes!

     Growing up in a family that doesn't exactly have a reputation for longevity, I attended many funerals as a child.  And to this day, as much as I love flowers, walking into a flower shop gives me goosebumps.  To me, the smell of a generic mix of flowers is the smell of a funeral home.  While I'm not happy with this long-term effect of my childhood funeral experiences, I am glad in an overall sense that I was allowed to attend those funerals as a child.  I've met many people who never attended a funeral until adulthood and it was usually the funeral of someone very important in their lives - a parent or a sibling.  That's not the time you want to feel unprepared and creeped out.

     While I had the benefit(?) of early exposure that helped me to know what to expect and become somewhat immune to the creepiness factor, I still don't care for the funeral process.  Bu now, as a more experienced adult, I am able to better understand the need for these rituals that we put ourselves through.  In fact today, I was reminded of my early experiences with death and of the need we have for these parting rituals. Today I was reminded that no matter how much we try to protect our children, we simply can't

The Importance of Marriage

      There is no doubt that marriage is an important institution in many cultures.  It is a formal commitment between two people who promise to love and care for each other, ideally, for a lifetime.  But just how important is it?

     Some of the issues facing our world today include terrorism, war, genocide, poverty, hunger, and a growing, global environmental crisis.  Within the United States itself, we are battling rising fuel prices and food costs, stagnant wages, health care and education quality and access issues, and drug-related violent crime to name but a few.

     If we were to prioritize these issues, where would marriage fit in do you think?  What would we do first?  Would we try to stop a terrorist bombing that threatened thousands of lives or would we dicker over who isn't willing to sit with whom at the wedding reception?  Would we try to stop the environmental degradation that, unchecked, will eventually make life on this planet impossible and lead to the extinction of the whole human race or would we argue over whether the ice sculpture should be a cupid or a castle?  Would we do something to help make sure that everyone who is sick can  (Read more...)

Lowered Expectations - The Key to Happiness?

    I admit it...I'm a naturally pessimistic person.  I work hard every day trying to develop and maintain a more optimistic outlook and to focus on what is right and good with my life instead of what's wrong with it, but, truth be told, my natural inclination is to hold a slightly negative view.  Oh I've had some success in these efforts...I'm a bit more content overall and I can go for hours or sometimes days without falling into  my old crotchety ways, but it is an effort.  Happiness can be elusive for those of us who were born to whine.  (If this sounds like you, read my prior post "The Pursuit of Happiness" for some suggestions)

    When people point out my tendency toward the glass-half-empty perspective, as people seem compelled to do, I counter that I'm not being negative, I'm being "realistic."  That's what my Dad always said when I was criticizing his tendency toward pessimism.  What can I say...I am my father's daughter and, honestly, I think that response has some merit.  Pessimists are known to be more realistic, albeit less happy, people.  I've also been known to say "Hey, if I expect that everything will go perfectly, I'm likely to be disappointed whereas, if I expect everything to go wrong, and then it doesn't, I'll be pleasantly surprised!"  Makes total (Read more...)

The Trouble With Sex in America

                                                                                                  

Sex is alive and well in America.  You never have far to look far to find it.  Our society is saturated with it.  Movies, magazines, billboards, t.v. shows, advertising, even Disney pop stars reek of it.  And yet, in spite of the proliferation of sexual imagery and activity, America still attempts to maintain antiquated, puritanical sexual ideals.

     Unfortunately, as so often happens, our behavior doesn't quite manage to live up to the ideals we espouse.  And so, while our children's innocence is stolen from them earlier and earlier, our teens make promises that they can never be expected to keep while being fed a steady diet of sexual imagery and innuendo and our adults gorge themselves on every variation of the act they can imagine, we all busy ourselves trying to maintain the facade of purity.

    We talk the talk, but don't walk the walk.  We send mixed messages to our young people, perpetuate the idea of sex as some sort of guilty pleasure and let our own confused and twisted ideas about sex influence important government policies that end up being misguided, unethical and downright harmful.  (Read more...)

Domestic Violence Rages On

     One of my guiding principles in life is that, oftentimes, no news is good news.  But I don't mean that in the usual way.  What I mean is that, if you really want to be happy, don't watch the news. 

     Don't misunderstand me...I like to be informed.  I don't want to be completely ignorant of what is happening in the world around me.  But there is so much going on that is so unpleasant and that I have no control over, that sometimes, not watching the news is the best option.  In fact, therapists will often recommend this to patients who are anxiety-ridden or depressed.  Being bombarded with messages of doom and gloom over which you have no control is enough to drive anyone to the brink of suicide.

     Occasionally though, I forget.  The other day, I tore myself away from the computer, made myself some lunch and sat down in front of the t.v. to enjoy it.  It was exactly 12 noon, so of course the noon news was just beginning.  By nine minutes past the hour I had heard about a fire that gutted someone's home, an accident involving two trucks, a robbery or two, a home invasion, another fire, and two stories about two separate men in two separate places in our viewing area beating women with baseball bats. Not one positive story to give me any hope that life was still worth  (Read more...)

More On Mid-Life

    For those of you who are interested in the topic of mid-life crises, I have a little more advice to send your way.  I have written a guest post that provides some futher guidance on navigating the challenges of mid-life for a wonderful blog called "DumbLittleMan."  This post offers some simple do and don't guidelines for anyone who is floundering and fumbling their way through a mid-life crisis. 

"Sooner or later we all go through it.  We begin to lose parents, our friends or spouses start to come down with "old people" illnesses, our children grow up and (if we're lucky) begin to leave home.  We look around at the landscape of our lives and realize it has become unrecognizable.  What we once centered our lives around has changed, anchors that moored us have detached and, as the anxiety begins to mount, we find ourselves looking for something to hold on to. But what?"  (Read more...)

     Don't let the name fool you, the publisher of this blog is anything but dumb.  He's a smart cookie who posts a wealth of useful information that is certainly worth checking out.  Do yourself, and me, a favor and visit DumbLittleMan to check out my post and others.

Questions of Morality

     Psst...I have a secret to tell you.  You might find it quite shocking.  Religion does not have a corner on the morality market.  No really, it's true...left to our own devices, ordinary people all adhere (or at least try to adhere) to the same basic set of moral standards.  Christians, Muslims, Hindus, Humanists, Atheists all tend to agree on the same moral precepts...love and compassion, caring for the sick and weak, do unto others as you would have them do unto you, don't kill, lie or steal etc..

     Questions of morality have to do with how what we do effects the happiness and/or suffering of others.  Morals are our code of conduct, our rules for living, our ideas and beliefs about what is good or bad, right or wrong.  It turns out that most of us share a common set of moral standards.  Of course, whether or not we manage to live by them is quite another story.  But what we hold up as our ideals is remarkably consistent.

     Of course, religious leaders would have us believe otherwise.  Here in the U.S. the most vocal of those religious leaders are what we have come to call "Conservative Christians."  Christianity does claim the most adherents of any religion in America, but the most conservative of those Christians wield an inordinate amount of power.  They are very vocal and very forceful when it comes to (Read more...)

Softball Lessons

     My daughter started softball this spring.  She's seven, totally inexperienced and very excited.  I'm hoping that she'll learn all of the important stuff that she needs to become a good ball player, but I'm hoping she'll learn some important life lessons as well.  A very inspiring story from the news this week makes me believe that my hopes may be justified.

     Maybe some of you already heard this story, but it is well-worth repeating.  This past week, the women's softball teams from Central Washington University and Western Oregon University were competing in the Great Northwest Athletic Conference.  Sara Tucholsky, a senior player with the Western Oregon team came up to bat.  With two runners on base and a strike to her credit, she did something she had never done before; she hit a home run!  The crowd cheered as Sara began running the bases but, in her excitement, she failed to actually touch first base.  She turned to step back and tag it and, suddenly, collapsed.  Sara's quick turn had torn a knee ligament.

                                                                    Unable to get up, Sara looked to the first base coach who told her that it was against the rules for her teammates to help her.  The umpire stepped in and said that her team could send in a pinch runner, but the hit would only count as a single.

    In order for the hit to count as a home run, Sara herself would need to touch all of the bases.  Sara was devastated.

    It was then that Mallory Holtman, first baseman for Central Washington University, stepped up to the plate - so to speak.  Mallory asked if there were any rules that would prohibit her, a member of the opposing team, from helping Sara.  When the umpire said no, Mallory and her teammate, Liz Wallace, carefully picked up Sara Tucholsky and carried her from base to base, pausing just long enough for Sara to reach down with her uninjured leg and touch each of them. 

     The three-run homer counted and as a result, Mallory and Liz's team not only lost the game, but lost any chance of winning the conference and going on to the play-offs.  Mallory (Read more...)