4 Steps to Finding and Following Your Passion

There is so much talk about discovering your passion, following your bliss and living a life that you love. Hearing messages like these over and over, we can't help but to take a look at our own lives and to perhaps find them lacking. We wonder how we can live a life of purpose and meaning, how we can follow our bliss. Then we begin to wonder. What is my bliss? Do I have a passion? Did I ever?

As children, we effortlessly filled our free time with those things that we found fascinating, engaging and energizing. We followed our bliss without giving it a second thought. But by the time we reach adulthood, many of us have given in to so many of the shoulds and oughts of life that we have completely lost touch with our inner natures. We no longer know what brings us joy. We are left scratching our heads when we're asked what we would do if we could do anything, if money were no object.

And why should we bother to try? Is it even realistic to assume that we can live lives full of purpose and meaning? Or is it just some new age psychobabble?

I think that it is realistic to believe that we can live lives that are personally meaningful. It just takes some effort to rediscover what it is that each one of us finds meaningful and then to center our lives around it. It might not be the easiest process, but there are good reasons to put forth the effort. Research shows that people who see their work as a calling and a source of joy or meaning are healthier, happier and more satisfied in life than are people whose work is simply a job or career.

The problem is that many of us have no idea how to get back in touch with our dreams and our desires. We feel cut off from our true selves and confused as to how to reconnect. But, as with so many things in life, we will likely find that it isn't as hard as we thought it would be once we get started. It's just knowing how and where to begin...that's the hard part.

But never fear...my passion is sharing what I've learned with others to make their lives and the world a better place. So I'm going to point you I the right direction and get you started. But it is up to you to do the work!

4 Steps to Finding and Following Your Passion

Recognize Your Strengths

Most of us are very good at describing our weaknesses and we all feel that uncovering and improving upon these weaknesses is the path to success. But the field of positive psychology is finding that true success comes from recognizing and using your strengths and working around your weaknesses.

So how do you know what your strength are? There are three good ways to find out. First, go to and take the VIA-IS Signature Strengths survey. The survey takes a little bit of time, but it is a great tool for uncovering all of your strengths and highlighting your top five. It is these top five strengths that you want to make use of. The more often you use these strengths, the more successful and happy you will be.

Second, draw upon memories of times when you felt you were fully engaged and passionately involved in an activity or project. Re-live what you were doing and how you felt. Talk it over with a close friend and try to identify what strengths this activity might have engaged. Were you exhibiting perseverance, curiosity, analytical abilities, interpersonal skills?

Third, ask other people what they see as your strengths. Talk to three or more close friends or relatives and ask them what they see as your strengths or talents. What do they feel you are particularly good at? What types of things would they come to you for help with?

The best thing is to employ all three of these strategies to uncovering your strengths and then see where the results overlap. Strengths are seen in activities that you do easily and well so identifying them is key to success and fulfillment.

Remove the Obstacles

There are two types of obstacles that we all face that get between us and what we really want out of life. We face internal obstacles, such as self-defeating patterns of thoughts and behaviors, and external obstacles, such as negative or demanding people or engagement in activities that don't suit us or that we feel obligated to perform.

Re-tracing your history and identifying patterns of behavior that have not led to success in the past can help you to uncover the behaviors that are not working for you. Taking the time to find what thoughts and negative self-talk might be underlying these past poor choices can allow you to break free of old patterns. Do you believe that if you aren't the best that it's not worth pursuing? Do you feel that you just don't have any real talent? Do you start things and then lose steam and leave them unfinished? Do you think too much and fail to translate thoughts to action? Unless you are very introspective, this task might be best undertaken with the help of a coach, counselor or therapist.

External obstacles come in when we are surrounded by people who do not share our values or who poke holes in our dreams. They also show up when we take on unfulfilling or unpleasant tasks or duties because we aren't assertive enough to say no. While there will always be chores in life that we can't discard, we need to minimize the impact of distracting and unfulfilling activities on our lives. Learn to say no (see my prior post on How to Become More Assertive) to activities that aren't meaningful to you and distance yourself from people who are negative or defeating.

Rediscover Your Values

Engaging in activities and setting goals that are congruent with your values are essential if you want to be successful and fulfilled. But values are not always something that we are clear on. Clarifying your values is a necessary precursor to setting goals that are in line with them. One way you can bring your values to light is by contemplating your daily activities and asking which of them bring you joy, contentment, peace or a sense of purpose and which bring your down or make you feel pressured or irritable. Focus on the ones that make you feel positive...what values do they reflect? Another way that you can identify your values is by looking at historical or spiritual figures...or anyone that you might consider a role model. What characteristics or achievements of theirs do you admire or want to emulate? These characteristics or achievements are indicators that point toward specific values that you hold.

Redesign Your Life

Set new goals for yourself...goals that are consistent with your values and that make use of your strengths. Make sure that your goals are realistic, specific, and positive. You always want to frame your goals as what you do want, not as what you are trying to get away from and to make them measurable. How will you know when you have achieved that goal? By when do you want to achieve it?

You also want to think about what you need to achieve those goals. Will you need more training, help from other people, a loan? Build these things into your planning process. And remember, breaking any goal down into smaller tasks is always a good thing. One step at a time will help to keep you from becoming overwhelmed and discouraged.

Building a life that is centered around your strengths and values takes time and patience. It isn't something that you can accomplish overnight, but with patience and perseverance, you can have a life that is filled with purpose and meaning. Now you know where to start. The rest is up to you. Good luck!

Comments

[Barbara Swafford]

Hi Lori,

I think rediscovering our values is hugely important. Often we get so busy, we don't take time to turn inward. There's much we can learn by studying our values and aligning ourselves with that which makes us passionate.

[Allison Allen]

Hi Lori,

Great stuff! I think most of us would like to live more meaningful lives especially as we hit midlife.

One thing I've noticed is that many of us now think our job has to be our passion. While that's a wonderful goal, I think it's easy to forget that just taking time to re-incorporate your passion into your leisure time is another, less drastic way to live more meaningfully and joyfully. We aren't a failure if we can't transition to making a living at our passion.

Heck, I started playing bass guitar a year ago and while it would be fun to be a working musician, just playing regularly in the student showcases is great fun!

[Lori]

Barbara,

Thanks. There is a lot to be said for aligning our values and our goals.

Allison,

Excellent point. Sometimes we can't make a living off of our passions but that doesn't mean we can't find ways to give our passions a place of importance in our lives. Thanks for that reminder!

[Laura]

Great insights. It seems that just realizing that life should be about passion and not commitments is a good place to begin.

Laura, www.RebelliousThoughtsofaWoman.com

[Ladybeams]

Terrific post and a lot of fun. Thanks for the intro to the testing website. I'm passionate about a lot of things, just don't know my "life's passion" if that makes sense.

[Laurie]

Hi,
This is my first time on this site. I was looking for something to read about finding your passion and looking for help in achieving mine. I know what it is I just don't know where to start to change my life to do it. My passion has ALWAYS been working with dogs (ie taking care of them in like a shelter or sanctuary situation). Only problem is it doesnt pay that much money. Right now I have a well paying job (not wealthy by any means) but I have great health benefits and time off. But I am MISERABLE at my job. I've been doing it for over 19 yrs and I only stay because of all the stuff stated above. I have no problem with living with less but my concern is the price of health insurance. I'm 46 and of course thats on my mind. I want to move out of NY and always worry about the cost of living. I keep saying to myself just do it already but I dont know where to start. All you ever read about in magazines and books is how (wealthy people who have left 6 figure salaries) have taken jobs for less pay but duh I think they were pretty well off to leave..Does anyone have a suggestion on where to start.
Thanks
Laurie

[Lori]

Laurie,

We're the same age so I understand your concerns about health insurance, income and cost of living. Often we think that following our passions requires a complete revamping of our lives, but sometimes we have to start smaller than that. Following your passion doesn't necessarily have to mean making your passion your livelihood.

But where to start? You're already on the right track. You know what you enjoy and what you don't. If you can totally divest yourself of what isn't fulfilling (your job) great, but many of us cannot do that. I've read many of the same, annoying stories to which you refer. The wealthy and successful who throw it all away and start over. Easy to do when you have a couple of million in the bank - not so easy for the rest of us.

So, start small. Need to stay at the job, at least for now? Look for small ways to make it more tolerable and, in the meantime, find ways to engage in work with dogs in your spare time (volunteering or part-time work). You may find that the joy you get from even limited involvement will be sustaining and help make the rest of your life seem more tolerable. The more we engage in things that we enjoy, and the more positive emotion we can generate, the happier and more resilient we become and the better able we are to withstand the less palatable parts of our day-to-day existence. (Check out my post about the power of positive emotions.)

Small changes may be enough. But even big changes can eventually come along by taking a few small steps. Volunteering or part-time work can lead to other opportunities. My advice is to get started doing something, anything, that relates to your passion while you investigate all of your options. It will bring you joy, improve your mood and may lead you to bigger and better things down the road. I wish you the best on your journey.