Between Us Girls

The Art of Diplomacy - What's in It for You?

We hear so much about the need for diplomacy these days in everything from international relations to bi-partisan relations, but the art of diplomacy isn't just for national leaders and members of Congress. Diplomacy, the employment of tact to find mutually acceptable solutions to a common challenge, can be employed by everyday people in everyday situations to the benefit of all.

Think of the many challenges we face: Your daughter, a freshman in high school, wants to date a senior. Your five-year-old son doesn't want to share his new Play-Doh set with his cousin who is in for a holiday visit. Your coworker speaks so loudly on phone calls that you can't focus and he's tired of your dirty looks. Your Aunt Rose doesn't speak to your Aunt Mary, but is the sister of Mary's husband, Bob who rarely gets to see Rose. How are you going to please everyone with the seating plan at your wedding reception?

Situations like these pop up all the time and they can really push our buttons if we let them. The result? Anger, arguments, hurt feelings, crying and worse. So how can the art of diplomacy make a difference and what's in it for us?

Well, diplomacy is a way of handling sticky situations that leads to consensus and compromise. In other words, it is a way of finding a solution that everyone can live with which, admittedly,  is often easier said than done. Happily though, diplomacy involves certain skills that, given some practice and patience,

Equanimity as a Weakness? - I Think Not

During a recent television interview, Barack Obama was asked if he thought that the unusual bit of fiery passion he showed and the few hard hitting remarks he made in his acceptance speech were enough to quell the criticism that he isn't passionate or tough enough to be president. Apparently, many people seem to find his emotional control and his ability to greet questions, criticisms or alternative ideas with a thoughtful response rather than an impulsive reaction off-putting.

Just as advertisers know how to word deceptive claims in a way that makes them more believable and job candidates can cleverly frame their weaknesses as strengths, political opposition and the media can

5 Tips for Harnessing the Power of Your Words

No one would deny the power of words, but like all powerful tools, words can be used for good or evil. And sometimes, our failure to use our words carefully can hurt others and our relationships with them.

We've all had experiences with people who purposely use words as weapons, but we've also known those whose simple lack of ability to think before they speak unwittingly leads them to embarrass themselves or offend others.

I was reminded of this quality recently by the story of a friend of mine. A friend of a friend had recently become a non-friend because of her tendency to have whatever thoughts entered her mind immediately spill out of her mouth. I was sad to hear it, but not terribly surprised. When I first met the woman she had reminded me of an old, no-longer-friend of my own who was too quick to share her opinions and criticism. This old friend taught me some painful, but very valuable lessons. Thanks to my experiences with her, I had seen the writing on the wall early on with this new friend of a friend and had chosen to steer clear. Whew!

While we all make mistakes from time to time and occasionally say or do the wrong thing, some of us, like the woman in the example above, consistently make the tactical error of not thinking before we speak.

Wow, I Guess Cell Phones Really Do Cause Brain Damage

As a society, we are fascinated by gadgets of all kinds. Laptop computers, digital cameras, iPods, BlackBerries are our new best friends.  We take them with us wherever we go, we gaze at them lovingly, we we share our deepest secrets with them. Even those of us who are technological dinosaurs, tend to at least be hip enough to have a cell phone. But, like any new drug, our high-tech toys come with potentially serious side effects.

Most of you have heard that studies have linked cell phone usage with brain damage and tumors, especially in children. But that's not exactly the kind of brain damage I'm referring to. I'm talking about behavioral rather than anatomical and physiological brain damage. You know – the kind of damage that, despite healthy neurological tissue, leaves us acting like social morons.  What ever became of manners, discretion, common courtesy?   Are social skills, like eight-track tapes and mullets, simply destined to become a thing of the past?  And why exactly am I going on and on about this?

Well, I was recently reminded of how our love affair with electronic gadgetry can turn us into blubbering idiots.  Let me share with you a tale of electronic be-witchery and human frailty.......a cautionary tale if you will.

I was in Sears the other day, walking from the shoe department to the children's department with my two kids in tow. As we passed the registers (centrally located for no one's convenience) a young woman came out of the children's department walking toward us, chatting away loudly on her cell phone. The sales clerks, my two eight-year-olds and I were treated to her end of the conversation which went like this:

Softball Lessons

     My daughter started softball this spring.  She's seven, totally inexperienced and very excited.  I'm hoping that she'll learn all of the important stuff that she needs to become a good ball player, but I'm hoping she'll learn some important life lessons as well.  A very inspiring story from the news this week makes me believe that my hopes may be justified.

     Maybe some of you already heard this story, but it is well-worth repeating.  This past week, the women's softball teams from Central Washington University and Western Oregon University were competing in the Great Northwest Athletic Conference.  Sara Tucholsky, a senior player with the Western Oregon team came up to bat.  With two runners on base and a strike to her credit, she did something she had never done before; she hit a home run!  The crowd cheered as Sara began running the bases but, in her excitement, she failed to actually touch first base.  She turned to step back and tag it and, suddenly, collapsed.  Sara's quick turn had torn a knee ligament.

                                                                    Unable to get up, Sara looked to the first base coach who told her that it was against the rules for her teammates to help her.  The umpire stepped in and said that her team could send in a pinch runner, but the hit would only count as a single.

    In order for the hit to count as a home run, Sara herself would need to touch all of the bases.  Sara was devastated.

    It was then that Mallory Holtman, first baseman for Central Washington University, stepped up to the plate - so to speak.  Mallory asked if there were any rules that would prohibit her, a member of the opposing team, from helping Sara.  When the umpire said no, Mallory and her teammate, Liz Wallace, carefully picked up Sara Tucholsky and carried her from base to base, pausing just long enough for Sara to reach down with her uninjured leg and touch each of them. 

     The three-run homer counted and as a result, Mallory and Liz's team not only lost the game, but lost any chance of winning the conference and going on to the play-offs.  Mallory (Read more...)

The Art of Listening

      It's true that having ears is a prerequisite for hearing, but simply having the appropriate equipment is not enough.  Ears allow us to hear, but listening is something far greater than that; it is what happens when we choose to sit up and take notice.

     Another way to put it is that hearing is a passive process.  We might hear the train off in the distance while we also hear the sizzle in our saute pan and our child telling us about the most recent episode of their favorite cartoon.  We may hear all of this but at the same time not really be aware of most of it. 

     The sounds that we are truly aware of are those to which we choose to listen.  Listening is an active process.  We make a conscious choice to attend to the sounds, (Read more...)

Communication Skills: How to Speak and be Heard

      Did you hear me?  I'm talking to you...are you listening?  How many times do I have to repeat myself?  I already told you.  Don't ask me a question if you're not going to listen to the answer.  I need you to...

     Honestly I get tired of hearing myself sometimes, but one thing that I know for sure is that everyone else stopped listening a long time ago.  At least that's how it seems.

      I have sometimes wondered aloud if my voice is in the same register as a dog whistle.  Maybe dogs everywhere are scurrying to clean their rooms, turn the t.v. off and organize the office.

     It isn't just children and spouses who can tune us out though.  Whether at work, at home, or out with friends, at times we all feel that we just aren't being heard.  But wait...before you go for the megaphone...there are other ways that we can make ourselves (Read more...)